Who you are is just right. You don’t have to bend yourself into a pretzel trying to be someone else. You don’t have to work so hard trying to stuff yourself into a tiny little box that is never going to fit. “But I am a dandelion,” you say, “and it is so much better to be a rose.” It is wonderful to love the beauty of a rose, to celebrate its magnificence. But that doesn’t mean that you are any less magnificent for being an iris (which sometimes smell like grape soda), or a crocus (the Harbinger of Spring), or a dandelion (which keep the bees alive). Your way is just right. Are there things you can learn and appreciate from All the Other Ways? Of course. Is the world a far more beautiful place for all that variety? You bet. “Perhaps if someone cared enough to put dandelions in a vase,” you think, “or tie up a dozen of them with a wide red ribbon, and give them as a gift, I would be important.” But if you pause for a moment, you might notice all the young children who proudly pick a rumpled up handful of dandelions to give to someone they love. You might notice that your sturdy presence feeds the bees (who pollinate the world and make the honey) all season long. You might notice that you are the one who receives the wishes of all the hopeful hearts and carries them into the world.
♥ ♥ ♥
Rafia Rebeck, MEd, MA, LPCC, is trained in the Hakomi Method of Psychotherapy. She offers a warm, sincere, and safe approach for those who seek personal transformation through mindfulness. Please feel welcome to get in touch by contacting firstname.lastname@example.org. If this blog postcard was meaningful for you, please feel free to share it with others who may benefit.
A dear client recently lamented how tired she was of hating her body. This is a common experience, certainly among women but increasingly among men as well ~ the rejection of one’s own earthly vessel, followed by the exhaustion that comes from both rejecting the body and rejecting the rejection. Can you feel the endless loop of this? In order to overcome something we don’t like, we all too often shift into disliking ourselves for the disliking. It is like a snake eating its own tail. Popular culture tells us that the best way to support positive body image (or positive self-image of any kind) is to replace our negative self-talk with positive self-talk. Unfortunately, for most of us this maintains an atmosphere of rejection. One voice yells, “I hate myself!” Another retorts, “I love myself!” Each voice grows louder and louder until we find ourselves engaged in an all-out civil war, our bodies&hearts the battlefield, our souls the collateral damage.
In order to truly heal negative self-image, we must instead learn to cultivate an attitude of total acceptance ~ an internal stance that allows each experience to arise and pass through us, a loving witness to All That Is. From this place, nothing is rejected ~ including the part of us that rejects, including the part of us that rejects the rejection. All resistance dissolves. This is self-acceptance. This is unconditional love. This is healing.
Beliefs and judgements have impact on how we relate with the world, but they also have impact on how we relate with ourselves. This is one of the clearest pathways between external and internal. If we approach other.life.world, with a set of demands and expectations ~ beliefs about how Things Should Be ~ we will approach ourselves with the same critical narratives. If we attack the beliefs.expression.beingness of another person, we can be certain that the teeth of judgment.criticism.hatred will be bared in our direction, by our very own mouths. If we nurture the inner dialogue that makes others wrong, that same storyteller will tell the tale of our own brokenness.
How do we find our way out of this quagmire of belief and judgment? “Surely the way is not to abandon our beliefs?” the mind protests. “Surely not that!” Maybe. Maybe not. My question is simply this . . . how might life be different if you didn’t cling so tightly to ~ or allow yourself to be squeezed so tightly by ~ your beliefs? Slowly the breath returns to the belly. Can you feel it?